What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
