people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
