i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
