It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize