Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
