Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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