i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
