Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
