It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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