the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
