i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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