the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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