if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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