Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
