a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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