After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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