I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he was CRYING into my vagina
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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