so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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