This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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