My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You're a waste of cheezeits
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
