i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
