lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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