What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
