after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My dick has a subreddit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
