Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
