He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
