So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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