Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
