i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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