she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize