i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
