Don't you send me to vm
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
