It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
