I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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