do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize