Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
