She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
