She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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