god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
