Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
