you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
