If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
