3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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