I just pynch a tree in the face
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
