yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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