I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We need a shit load of segways right now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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