You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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