my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
