so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
