Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
