I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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