Buhtt sex?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
