Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
