wakey wakey hands off snakey
...so i touched it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
me + whiskey = a bad person
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
