Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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