Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
