oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize