If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
