Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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