Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
