You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
