Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
