the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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