Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
