im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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