Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
