Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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