2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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